So it's no secret that I haven't written in a while. Even before my last post in March, I've been strugging to come up with something to write about for this blog.
The past year has been a struggle for me for a lot of reasons. Going though my break up/divorce with my ex took a major toll on me for a lot of reasons. It's tough to deal with the idea that you spent seven and a half years in a relationship that ended up going to hell in a handbasket in the end. It's tough to break down an accept the fact that you're the victim of abuse. It's embarrassing, humbling, and depressing.
I've spent the last few months taking a lot of little steps to try to take care of myself. Between that process and managing the ongoing process of being a business owner of a successful kinky leather/coffeeshop, I've done a lot of learning. I feel like I've been shoved off a cliff.
I turned 30 years old back in September. Like it or not, I've had to do a lot of growing up, really quickly.
Then I took the time one day to take a look back and reread all the other posts I've made to this blog, ever since the very beginning. I still enjoy them and I'm proud of the work that I accomplished here. But they feel different. Clearly they were written by me and share my voice. And yet, I don't feel like they were written by the same person.
I've changed a lot, and grown a lot. In many ways, I don't recognize the person who wrote all of that.
I believe this is why I've struggled so much to find something to write about. When I started this blog all those years ago, I was just a kinky 20something stuck out in the middle of the Midwest, looking to find my way. I was filled with optimism, hope, and joy that I would eventually find a home of my own. This blog was about the journey to get there and my experiences of meeting people who were like me and the things I've learned from each of them.
It's been an incredible journey. If you would have asked me then if I ever thought I would be here, now, the person I am today, I would have told you that you were off your fucking rocker.
So while I recognize that boy who was yearning so badly to find a community of his own, I also recognize that that boy has changed a lot. I've struggled to write because, frankly, I'm no longer looking to find out who I am or what I want to do. I have those answers now.
I know the silence has made people nervous...and for those of you who've written and checked up on me, thank you. I can't say thank you enough. Your care and conern has meant more than me that I can ever describe, and I can honestly say that I am, for the first time in a very long time, happy. I'm content that I've found my home, and I really don't feel like I'm searching for something I want so badly.
Even though I'm not that wild, crazy, lost 20 something anymore, I'm sure there's plenty to write about being a business owning community-based 30 something in Minneapolis.
I'm not that boy anymore. So it's time to start a new journey together and see where there is to go from here, now that I'm well settled into my home with my family, and I'm content and love myself.
And I've decided you can join me on that journey as well, if you still like what I have to write about. Let's start a new chapter together.