Happy New Year. 2014 is proving to be a year of new beginnings for me already.
I've written about my (vanilla) partner on here a bit. In general, I haven't written a TON of in-depth posts about the details of my relationship. I've considered it to be one of the more private points in my life - the one thing that I prefer to keep to myself. Over the past seven years, my journey with Chris has been a vibrant one with many ups and downs along the way, with a lot of joy and also times of heartache. I am forever grateful to him putting up with my kinkiness, particularly as I have elevated to a kinky business owner and being more than just a community member.
But after seven years, Chris and I have decided to move on.
At heart, he and I are just two very, very different people. I'd prefer not to write about the specific reason or occurance that brought us to this specific conclusion at this time. I do feel a bit heartbroken - but as I sit here now, I find myself actually feeling....mostly content. This major change in my life is going to require a lot of decisions to be made in the near future and is going to create a whole new level of headaches, but even so, I feel ready for them. It would be unrealistic of me to say that I don't have regrets and I wouldn't have done some things differently. But this really is the best thing for both of us.
I'm a bit sad still, but at the same time, I'm confident that I'll be okay.
The decisions that need to be made about moving out of the house and dealing with the financials, etc. is going to be a headache, but that's really not the part that's got me down. I gave that man seven years of my life - the vast majority of my 20s in fact. I was still in college when we met. It's hard to believe that seven years just flew by, and now I wake up in 2014, I'm 29 years old, and I'm single.
I do have SOMEWHAT of a regret that I "wasted" most of my 20s on this man, but it really wasn't that much of a waste. Would I have done some things differently? Absolutely. But I can also feel calm and peace in the fact that we tried to make it work. We really, REALLY tried, for seven years. I feel perfectly content right now that there isn't anything more I could have done to make it work out. I feel somewhat defeated, but also proud.
I can successfully close this chapter of my life without any regrets or "what-ifs" left. I still feel that mixed kink/vanilla relationships can - and do - work. I still feel that open relationships also work, and can be very successful. Chris and I didn't work out because of the people in the relationship. Not the substance.
So here's to a new chapter of life. Here's to 2014, to a new beginning, and to loving life. For the first time in years, I'm single. (And thank you, but no, I'm not ready to call myself "looking" quite yet.)
See you at MAL this weekend!