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12/21/2012

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Derek Henderson

Tynan, I have read, do read and will read you blog in the future. I find what you for the most part great for our community. However your previous couple posts really had me thinking and in a way upset and even mad at you. This post has somewhat helped calm that and I really hope that you do take the last sentance of your post to heart and follow it and do it. The first thing that really upset me was that you thought your parents who you knew were not real big fans of having a gay son would welcome having a gay kinky son, who puts that lifestyle out in public in different way by owning a link shop and by being a link speaker, would welcome it with open arms. You should have known the reaction and expected it. I think how it went was pretty dam good. They could have blown their tops and said goodbye, get out and never come back. They didn't because they are pretty decent people and love you as their son. It had to be and will be hard for them. Now the second thing that really I think was unfair was to post a private conversation you had with your parents for the world to hear. Yes it might be fine with you but how do you think they might feel about it? There is a good chance they will never know it was posted or even recorded for that matter. But you will know and it is not right. You may have posted it trying to help other and I hope that is why, but I also fear it was your as you put it spoiled middle class white kid posting it looking for sympathy. Just not a good thing.

Tynan I am going to offer you just a small piece of advice as I see it and take it or leave it that's up to you. Please follow your last sentence in your post. Grow up. You have a chance to become a real leader in this community of ours. You have the power to change things and change people for the better. You are now an owner of two businesses. Twin Cities Leather and Your speaking deal, plus you have a good job as a nurse. Remember all those things and how people see you. I am not against having fun, drinking and having sex by any means, but just maybe tone back the public side of it a little, be a leader you have a gift and can make a difference, don't fall by the wayside.

I hope you take this the right way. I am a fan now and will be, just stating how I feel. If you choose to post this publicly fine and if not fine, it is directed to you. I would like an answer back just to let me know you got it.

Derek

Vagabondageboy.blogspot.com

I sincerely doubt you need someone else to rebuke Derek's comments, but I'm so appalled that I'm going to anyway. Forgive me if I overstep, Tynan.

Derek: I'm terribly sorry that you're seemingly so jaded that you have lost the ability to hope that people can still surprise you. Frankly, if I had that little faith in those around me - namely my family - I don't know how I'd make it through the day. Some of us choose to think that even if people can't change, that maybe there's something in them we hadn't yet seen. Anyone who would try to criticize or dissuade optimism has a bleak outlook on Life indeed.

As for sharing a private moment? Are you familiar with "It Gets Better" campaign? You know .. the one with celebrities sharing their harrowing, deeply personal tales in order to show others the story doesn't end there? Yeah, that one. There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with sharing a story relating to your personal experience as a public icon. This is how we are able to combat people's feelings of dread and despair; by saying "Yeah, I've been there too. It sucks, but you're not alone." No one should have to be alone, and what you have described is appropriate leads to a lonely, desolate world I would rather not see come to fruition.

Tynan Fox

Derek, thanks for the message, and thanks for reading/being a fan as you said. I'm sorry those last two posts struck such a strongly negative note for you. This is a learning experience for me as well, this whole process. It's not as though lots of people have done this before from whom I can get much advice from.

I suppose that I need to just point out two things. 1)This blog is about honesty, it always has been and it always will be. 2) I'm not perfect.

Put those two things together and yes, I will in fact end up blogging about things in which I am not perfect.

I DID know how my parents were going to react at coming out. I did it anyway because, as Vagabondage just stated, I had been holding on to a glimmer of hope that it still might turn out to be an accepting/embracing response. I posted the recording of the conversation in the spirit of the It Gets Better project indeed. I thought that someone else out there may be inspired by the conversation as it went down. Moreover, I thought the whole occasion deserved to be published as it happened. Honesty.

I didn't post looking for sympathy, or anything for that matter. I post to this blog to reflect on myself, my life, and my actions. I've been flattered over the years that this can be so inspiring to others. Breaking their hearts really WAS the hardest thing I've ever done. I really don't want to hurt them, but I also can't ignore reality any longer just to make them happy.

I'm glad I made the posts that I did, though. Reflecting on what happened and receiving the responses I did prompted me to look at it in a different way. In that way, I'm growing, and learning, and changing as a person and as a leader.

So I'm not perfect, nor will I ever be. I don't expect you to think I'm perfect either. Just keep that in mind when/if you choose to continue following my work. Thank you again.

Derek Henderson

Dick,

I am sorry you took my post the wrong way. I am not saying people should not share and the It gets better campaign is a great thing. I have no problem with Tynan playing that recording online for the world to hear and I very well think it will help someone. My problem is that his parents have no idea that it was put out there like that. (I am assuming that they do not know.). That is my problem with putting that recording out there. If Tynan would have simply told the story that would have been fine. If his parents would ever find out that recording is out there it could damage things in his relationship with his parents. Beyond that I am saying and really agreeing with and encouraging Tynan to as he puts it to GROW UP. Tynan has done and can do a lot for this community and help it in the future. He just needs to mature and grow and maybe that is a better way to put it instead of Grow up he just needs to grow and find his place in this community which he has done well so far. I also do not think that Tynan needs you to defend him as I am sure he can do it himself if he feels the need to.

Now as for you Dick, I challenge you to do as much for this community as Tynan has. I am sure you cant, I know I cant. I am only offering my opinion and advice.

Derek

Derek Henderson

Tynan, Thank you for the response to my post. This is an emotional thing for me as I know it is for you. I like you had to come out to my parents and family when I was in my late teens. My parents were somewhat supportive, but I knew they were not happy with it as I sense your parents were not. However they continued to let us live in their house and provide for us and I am guessing help us. We had it a lot easier than some did. We both know that.

Do not get me wrong I will always follow your work and your blog. I honestly think you are a great leader and do tons for the community. It is that quality that makes you who you are and makes you great. It is also that quality that let you take my post in stride. I know you are in no way perfect. No one is and I do not expect you to be. I also totally love your blog and I can also see that you are totally honest and everyone can see who you are. That being said I also think you would like someone to comment to your post and also be honest like I was.

Now I hope you understand I have no problem with you putting your story out there to help others. That is awesome. The only problem I had I putting the actual recording out there with out your parents knowing. I just have a problem with that.

I honestly can not imagine what you were going through sitting at that dinner table telling them 1. Your kinky, 2. You own a link business, 3. You are a link speaker. It had to be a nightmare and I give you so much credit for doing it. In a way I wish I could have been that open with my parents while they were still alive.

I will always follow you. I hope by being honest I didn't hurt you to much.

Derek

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