Ten (part 1)

Something big is happening this month. Well, actually, it happened a few weeks ago, but what's the difference of a few weeks?

10 years ago, around this time, I started exploring kink with someone else. 10 years ago. TEN. The funny thing is, I didn't even think about it until someone asked me, via Recon, how long I've been doing all this and what kind of experience I had. I said I've been doing bondage, both dom and sub, since I was seventeen years old. That automatic math that happened in my head stood out to me. Wow. Not only is it a nice, round number, but it's a long damn time. 10 years. I'm only 27 now, but it's kinda making me feel like an old man. Like someone needs to order me a walker so I can get around at IML in a few weeks.

Sure, my first experiences when I was seventeen probably weren't all that thrilling...but in my mind they were an amazing beginning to a part of my life that had been screaming to be let free. I'm sure the scenes are probably hotter in my memories now than they really were at the time. Reminiscing over the days of being a skinny, dorky, angsty teenager in high school and thinking of those first times is...humbling. I know I'm lucky, because it hadn't been long since I even came out to anyone in the first place. I was new gay, but I was also new kink.

I remember being seventeen, and finally getting over myself and the fact that I was gay. I didn't know how to tell anyone. I kept the secret to myself. Then one day, after school during drama rehearsal, there was this really cute boy, a couple classes behind me, who was hanging out with some friends of mine in the greenroom. There was a conversation leading up to what he said to me, but I don't remember what those words were. All I remembered was him leaning in and whispering kind of quietly into my right ear, "...becasue I'm gay."

I promptly forgot everything that was said before or after that, and I probably looked like a crazy person sitting there, letting that sink in. My exposure to other gay men or gay culture at that point had been completely limited to gay porn, and mostly of the kink/bondage variety. The only thing I knew about gay men was that they were all older than me and I was going to grow up to be pretty fugly. Imagine my surprise to find another boy, my age, (and attractive!) was also gay. What? I thought I was alone!

I was dumbfounded.

I had a car at this point. I drove home that night and just thought. I thought I was alone. I wasn't. Maybe I could tell this kid that he's not alone too.

Long story short and cutting out a lot of drama, I wrote him some notes during a production in the theatre (I was running lights for the Fine Arts Festival). I was so nervous to hand them to him after writing them; my heart was pounding. We never got a chance to talk that night. Or for the rest of the weekend since I had to work my part time job at the pizza place. But after rehearsal on Monday for another show we were in, I drove him and a few of my other friends home in my old Pontiac 6000. I made sure to make him the last stop.

As I dropped my last friend off at her house, it was just me and him in the car. My heart was pounding. He was in the back seat directly behind me. I stared directly at the steering wheel, frozen with fear, anger, and lust all at the same time. Staring directly at the steering wheel, I finally managed to say, ".......can we go somewhere and talk?" 

"....sure," he said. I drove us out of the subdivision and stopped the car in a parking lot of a Catholic church. 

He moved to the front seat. I just let it all out. We talked for about two and a half hours. I told him exactly how I felt and what I was thinking and that I was gay and what it all meant. I asked him about himself and what he'd been through, and what about his family and what about school and what about the future and what about what about what about.......

.....and what do we do now?

I gulped, and without even knowing what I was doing, I said, ".......I'd really, really like to kiss you right now." I looked up, and made eye contact with him for the first time in our whole conversation. He brushed his hair out of his face and smiled at me. He reached across the seat, took my hand, and we both leaned in....

The kiss that we shared was pretty fucking magical.

It had gotten dark by that point. We kissed for a little while, and explored each other and this secret we shared together. We were so attracted to each other....fine, I'll just admit it. My first blowjob ever was there, in the front seat of my sage-green Pontiac 6000 parked in the lot of a Catholic church.

I remember gripping the seat of the car, digging my fingers into the fabric while he was sucking my dick, and ever-so brefily the thought crossed my mind.......I wonder if he'd like to be tied up?

To be continued........

(And by the way, that boy is just as cute now as he was 10 years ago....)

Comments

[Jerry]

Well Tynan, another one of your self promoting web blog posts. You know you make me and a lot of other people sick. You portray yourself as this great teacher and leader of the kink community, but you are far from it. You are far from a nice person and far from a leader. You wonder why I would say this to the great Tynan Fox. Well let me tell ya. I read what you say here and hear what you say on your lovely little college speaking tours about wanting to bring everyone into kink and make it a big happy community. Well you in your actions are far from it. You don't speak or pay any attention to people who you don't consider hot or acceptable. Fat people or fugly people are not on your list to even talk to. Your wondering if I am the only one that thinks this? Far from it. I have talked to three people in the last few days who have met and even played with you that agree. You are a two faced lier to everyone. Now I am not saying you need to play with people who you are not attracted to that is your choice but you need to accept everyone into the community. Take this for what its worth and prove me wrong and change your ways. I look forward to hearing your reply, that is if your man enough to write a reply?

[Willco68]

I have no problem...replying for him. Regardless of whom Mr. Fox chooses to play with or not..which seems to be part of the underlying issue in your post. I would assume he didn't play with you. Let's take the surface issue of your comment.
That Tynan isn't nice and doesn't talk to fat or fugly people in your words.
I disagree, vehemently. As someone who witnesses him speak to numerous people on a routine basis, he is accepting and accepted by many people including our Twin Cities leathermen...(while I don't think of some of them as fat...some are larger then Tynan.)
And the implied language of "great," "lovely," "two-faced," and "man enough" does nothing but allow a person reading your comment to assume jealousy. Or...more to the point that this comment is for no other purpose to attack Tynan. You have obviously based on this post spent an large amount of time discussing Tynan with others. By your own admittance...Tynan gets up and speaks about what he does. Whether college tours or standing up in front of the community...he does it. Do you? When ever a person stands up...they paint a target on their back for criticism...it's unfortunately a part of human nature to try to pull down those we envy...especially if we seek to covet them ourselves. Especially if that we covet has been denied to us. So Tynan Fox...keep doing what you do! Those who stand with you have no problem defending you. And to conclude Mr. Commenter...it's Tynan Fox's blog...of course it is self promoting...in so much as its his area to discuss what he will. If you don't like his blog...don't read it.

[Craig]

How dare someone share their story, how they came to a better understanding of not being alone in the world and putting out a very intense, intimate story to the world. Was a public comment really the best way to approach this? You're really just trying to stir up some shit and I think you could've found a much better venue to express your views.

[TiedFeetGuy]

"...you need to accept everyone into the community."

Sounds to me like you're certainly not accepting of Tynan. And whether you like ir or not, he's a part of the community. So why don't you practice what you preach? Oh, and that would be "...you're man enough to reply", not "your man enough to reply".

And wow, there are three people plus yourself that don't like him? Well, stop the presses. You know, no matter WHO you are, people are not going to like you. The way I figure it, if even GOD can't get everyone to like him, what makes any of us mere mortals think we'll be without enemies? So big deal. There are people who like you, and people who don't. Move on.

Now, I can't speak for Tynan. And I've never met him in person. All I know of him is from his blog and email exchanges we've had. But he seems like a great guy to me, and the fact that he has the guts to present in front of non-kinky people is not easy. No one is stopping you from doing it yourself. Go ahead and start your own lecture tour, and prove yourself right.

Oh, and I also love people who criticize, but then don't but their name down. At least own up to it.

TiedFeetGuy

[TiedFeetGuy]

Okay, I have to retract one point... you did leave a name. A pretty generic one, but a name. Fine enough, I suppose. The rest of my points still apply.

[David H.]

Based on my own experience with Tynan (and I'm a big boy - take that as you will), Jerry's full of shit. 'nuff said.

Sounds like he has some issues...and like so many, he feels the need to tear someone else down to feel better about himself. If, by some happenstance, Tynan did turn him down in some bar some time ago...well...if he's as unattractive on the outside as he seems to be on the inside...well...wouldn't have blamed him for a turn-down.

[Jerry]

It seems a lot of you are out there to defend Tynan. Let me address a few issues you have all brought up. First is this the place to bring this up. No I totally agree with you but then again I can't get a response from him any other way and to this point I can't even get one here. Second as to leaving a name, I left my name on the bottom of the post made. A real name. I agree names should be left and the one person who did was tiedfeetguy. Was that the name your parents named you at birth or is that the name you use to hide yourself? Get real and leave a name. Just like tynan, I am sure that isn't a real name either. I have never met tynan in person or approached him for play. I don't know for sure what his answer would be. I love what he is trying to do for the community and just want to open his eyes to the fact there are less than perfect people out there that want to be part of the community. Do I want to be tynan. No I am myself and happy with it for the most part. But I will say that at some point everyone of us want to be just a little part of someone else. Even tynan, he said it in his post he wanted to be out and happy when he was not. I love all you defending him and that is great you should. I am just pointing out he has fault and can be improved. Telling someone something is wrong or not liked is not a bad thing it can only improve things. Now you can all hate me if you like that's your right. Thank you for your comments back, they can improve me. I don't hate tynan or even dislike him I just want him to see what I consider a fault and maybe improve. Hopefully in three weeks I can walk up to him and IML and shake his hand and be friends, and if not well it will be both our looses. I speak my mind as we all should sorry if that offends you. I would look forward to more comments and to hear how tynan feels. Oh and sorry to the english teacher, I am not a perfect writer as I am writing this fast, please forgive.

Jerry

[TiedFeetGuy]

I did retract the fact you didn't leave a name. Now, you criticize me for leaving it as "TiedFeetGuy". Well, if you want, I can leave my real first name, but it's about as common as "Bob" or "Tom". While my screen name links to all my very specific, fetish related blogs, videos, and email. Which my real first name wouldn't do. So is my real first name really all that important? In this instance, my screen name supports and exposes me WAY more than my real name would.

But you know what? I don't really have a problem with most of the rest of your latest post. You admit you love what he's doing for the community, and am just pointing out a fault. That's perfectly fine. And there certainly is nothing wrong with speaking your mind. I think it was just more the WAY you said it in your initial post. It came across as rather trite and bitter (and I feel a FEW parts of your latest post still are, tbh). If you state your points more rationally, I certainly wouldn't have a problem. We can at least agree to disagree without throwing mud and sound like we're in high school.

[Jerry]

Tiedfeetguy

I agree with you on several points. You probably are most well know for you blogs and that work. Point taken, however for you to say my name Jerry is not real was wrong, that what my parents named me. I don't have a blog or a somewhat well know name that people know me by. I am sorry. Yes I will agree maybe my origonal post was not done in the best way and maybe out of frustration. I am sorry for that. And yes we have to agree to disagree. But you can't tell me you totally agree with what Tynan or anyone else is doing. You have to have atleast some problem with something if your being honest.

So you know Tynan has email me and will do so again. We will talk and work this out.

Jerry

[Tavdy79]

I don't normally go for guys more than a couple of years younger than me (I'm a few days away from 33) but I'd definitely make an exception for wolfgang05. WOOF!