Something big is happening this month. Well, actually, it happened a few weeks ago, but what's the difference of a few weeks?
10 years ago, around this time, I started exploring kink with someone else. 10 years ago. TEN. The funny thing is, I didn't even think about it until someone asked me, via Recon, how long I've been doing all this and what kind of experience I had. I said I've been doing bondage, both dom and sub, since I was seventeen years old. That automatic math that happened in my head stood out to me. Wow. Not only is it a nice, round number, but it's a long damn time. 10 years. I'm only 27 now, but it's kinda making me feel like an old man. Like someone needs to order me a walker so I can get around at IML in a few weeks.
Sure, my first experiences when I was seventeen probably weren't all that thrilling...but in my mind they were an amazing beginning to a part of my life that had been screaming to be let free. I'm sure the scenes are probably hotter in my memories now than they really were at the time. Reminiscing over the days of being a skinny, dorky, angsty teenager in high school and thinking of those first times is...humbling. I know I'm lucky, because it hadn't been long since I even came out to anyone in the first place. I was new gay, but I was also new kink.
I remember being seventeen, and finally getting over myself and the fact that I was gay. I didn't know how to tell anyone. I kept the secret to myself. Then one day, after school during drama rehearsal, there was this really cute boy, a couple classes behind me, who was hanging out with some friends of mine in the greenroom. There was a conversation leading up to what he said to me, but I don't remember what those words were. All I remembered was him leaning in and whispering kind of quietly into my right ear, "...becasue I'm gay."
I promptly forgot everything that was said before or after that, and I probably looked like a crazy person sitting there, letting that sink in. My exposure to other gay men or gay culture at that point had been completely limited to gay porn, and mostly of the kink/bondage variety. The only thing I knew about gay men was that they were all older than me and I was going to grow up to be pretty fugly. Imagine my surprise to find another boy, my age, (and attractive!) was also gay. What? I thought I was alone!
I was dumbfounded.
I had a car at this point. I drove home that night and just thought. I thought I was alone. I wasn't. Maybe I could tell this kid that he's not alone too.
Long story short and cutting out a lot of drama, I wrote him some notes during a production in the theatre (I was running lights for the Fine Arts Festival). I was so nervous to hand them to him after writing them; my heart was pounding. We never got a chance to talk that night. Or for the rest of the weekend since I had to work my part time job at the pizza place. But after rehearsal on Monday for another show we were in, I drove him and a few of my other friends home in my old Pontiac 6000. I made sure to make him the last stop.
As I dropped my last friend off at her house, it was just me and him in the car. My heart was pounding. He was in the back seat directly behind me. I stared directly at the steering wheel, frozen with fear, anger, and lust all at the same time. Staring directly at the steering wheel, I finally managed to say, ".......can we go somewhere and talk?"
"....sure," he said. I drove us out of the subdivision and stopped the car in a parking lot of a Catholic church.
He moved to the front seat. I just let it all out. We talked for about two and a half hours. I told him exactly how I felt and what I was thinking and that I was gay and what it all meant. I asked him about himself and what he'd been through, and what about his family and what about school and what about the future and what about what about what about.......
.....and what do we do now?
I gulped, and without even knowing what I was doing, I said, ".......I'd really, really like to kiss you right now." I looked up, and made eye contact with him for the first time in our whole conversation. He brushed his hair out of his face and smiled at me. He reached across the seat, took my hand, and we both leaned in....
The kiss that we shared was pretty fucking magical.
It had gotten dark by that point. We kissed for a little while, and explored each other and this secret we shared together. We were so attracted to each other....fine, I'll just admit it. My first blowjob ever was there, in the front seat of my sage-green Pontiac 6000 parked in the lot of a Catholic church.
I remember gripping the seat of the car, digging my fingers into the fabric while he was sucking my dick, and ever-so brefily the thought crossed my mind.......I wonder if he'd like to be tied up?
To be continued........
(And by the way, that boy is just as cute now as he was 10 years ago....)