Every time I go back to Missouri for a visit to family, or otherwise, something goes wrong.
So I packed up my car and left town on Sunday after work. I drove halfway to St. Louis, stopping in Iowa City on Sunday night to sleep at around midnight. Monday I rolled out of bed and drove the rest of the way to St. Louis. Around 5pm, I noticed my transmission starting to slip just a little and thought, "I should get that looked at before my return trip." 6pm, I get off the highway at the exit off Highway 70 just a few blocks from my house. I wait at the traffic light for my turn to go and press the gas pedal. The engine revs, the car doesn't move.
Repeated attempts weren't fruitful either. I took a deep breath and attempted to NOT panic. I turned on my hazard lights and traffic started moving around me. I called the police who put me in touch with Motorist Assist to help me get a tow truck.
Let me back up for a second. I'm back and forth from Rochester to Minneapolis every other weekend and I travel a lot with my bondage gear in my trunk. This happens so often I will sometimes just leave it in my trunk for a week and not even unload. It's just one of those things, you know? Even if the trip I'm going on is completely not kinky, I just can't travel without SOMETHING, just in case. I think most of us kinksters are like that. For the past couple months I'd been ridiculously lazy about unloading my car. So in my trunk was bondage gear, rubber gear, leather gear, spandex, and an assload of sex toys. I didn't want to unload it all before I left because I was in a hurry, even though I new damn well that taking that much crap with me would be overkill, even if I DID find a kinky hookup.
Back to the highway. Priority one was to call the police. Priority two was to get out of the car, tear through the back seat and pick up whatever is laying out, and then open the trunk to survey the damage. Of COURSE my bags had exploded everywhere so it was like a mad dash to put everything back away in the bags because I would need a ride later on.
I finished stuffing random sex gear in bags just in time for the motorist assist to arrive. Of course I just don't have a place for some of the larger things, specifically, my E7 Mickey Mouse boots and Waders. While we wait for the tow truck, I called my Dad to please come pick me up from the shop, after of course, explaining everything that happened.
You know what's coming next. I need to get to my parents house, and my car has to stay at the shop. "You need any help with your luggage?"
I figured saying No would be a bit awkward, because I had such an ungodly amount of it. "Sure."
Dad comes around to the trunk of my car. "What'd you do, pack for a two week excursion? You look like you're getting ready to trek across the Sierras." Keep in mind my trip to St. Louis was for five nights, which clearly doesn't require five bags of luggage.
".....................just gotta be ready for anything."
One of my bags is a huge green bag, it's a little smaller than a hockey bag. That's the one I keep most of the bondage gear in, the ropes, the rolls of tape, etc. It's heavy. Dad picks it up. "What the hell do you have in here anyway? Bricks?"
".....................don't worry about it."
THANKFULLY he just let it go. We move a few more things over to the trunk of his car without him saying very much. We drive home and make small talk about what could be wrong with the car. At the house, we unload the trunk into my bedroom. Like I said before, I couldn't fit the boots into any of the bags. I am NOT an outdoorsman. I don't fish or hunt or anything like that. My dad knows this. "You've got waders in your car?"
"Why? What do you use those for?"
"............................the snow gets really really deep."
I don't know if he believed me or if he was being nice, but he laughed and just went on helping me carry bags into the house. As soon as he leaves I wipe the sweat from my brow. All the bags and gear reach halfway up the wall in my bedroom. Then my mom sees it. "What, are you moving back in?" she asks.
I didn't have anything witty to say.
Long story short, my car's transmission blew up. The mechanic said that when he opened up the transmission pan, where the transmission SHOULD be, all he found was shrapnel. Fabulous. It would have been $2500 to put in a new one in a car that has a bluebook value of $325. Not worth it. Even though I drove that old girl for 7.5 years and she was my baby, it was time to put her out to pasture and let her lay down and die. I called a scrap yard to have them pick her up. This fox is now temporarily car-less.
Now the attention shifts to how to get back to Minnesota. I bought a plane ticket on Southwest (BING!). But clearly I have a lot of luggage. Dad says, "You want us to mail some of that up to you? We could put it all in smaller boxes."
"(staying calm)................................no, I don't think that's a good idea. I don't want to leave it here at the house and it's stuff I kind of need."
Mom chimes in, "Well, at least we could help you redistribute things and pack it all up better."
I really do appreciate the attempts at being helpful. I really, really do. Please imagine how much I'm squirming at this point on the inside, it's all I can do to keep from screaming at the top of my lungs. Maintain your composure, Tynan, find a graceful way out of this. "Oh, that's alright, I think I can do it myself okay."
Mom asks, "What, are you transporting drugs or something?"
No Mom, but if you knew what was in the bags, you'd probably wish it were drugs instead. "No Mom, I just spend a lot of time on the highways to and from Minneapolis, and I didn't unload. If I had known this would happen I wouldn't have even brought it down."
*phew* Dodged a bullet.
Don't get me wrong, if I HAVE to come out as a twisted kinkster to them, so be it. That doesn't mean I'm not deathly afraid of the day we actually have to talk about it. And if I can put that day off, I'm going to for as long as possible.
My original plan was to drive back up here on Christmas Day, because I have to work a day shift on the 26th. Instead, I flew into Minneapolis tonight and Pup Trigger was not only kind enough to pick me up and drive me all the way back to Rochester, but to bring Christmas dinner along with him. And despite my holiday auto woes, I have a lot to be thankful for this year. Particularly that I still made it under my family's radar.
Whatever you did on this holiday, I hope at least some aspect of it was kinky. And hopefully somewhat more enjoyable than MY version of a kinky holiday!