Okay, so I'll admit it. I know why I've been so quiet/haven't posted recently.
I've been beside myself in the past few weeks, watching video after video get uploaded to YouTube for the It Gets Better Project. Some of you read in a blog posting from many months ago where I opened up a little more about my past. Yes, I attempted suicide when I was a teenager. It seemed like the only solution at the time. I was hopeless. I could very easily have been one of the teenagers that all these videos are being made for today.
My mother gave me a lot of bad habits in life. One of them is the ability to suppress and ignore things that you're really not happy about. And I did. For years I've forgotten about it, I moved on, and I grew up. In a lot of ways, I thought I was healed and had successfully moved on. But watching a couple of these videos made me very emotional. Maybe all I had on there was a band-aid.
These videos have made me think about a lot of things in my life. Obviously, I'm happy I didn't succeed at my attempt. Things are amazing now, because it DOES get better. So what's the emotion coming from here?
Probably just that I would have given my left arm to have these videos and this support available to me when I was in high school.
It seems childish to obsess over all this, now ten years later in my life. But still, reliving, growing, and enduring is important. Even though those videos aren't meant for me, per se, I feel so much better having watched so many of them. Time to close that chapter of my book, and move on.
Now, it's my turn.