I spent some time as a sub this weekend. Back to Detroit, to visit my stud of a master, YngMstrDetroit. I haven't spent a lot of time as sub lately - I've been really busy with work and other projects, and when I have gotten to play, I've been doming lately. A lot. I think I've only really subbed once since MAL in January, and that was for a short scene at IML in May. I didn't realize how long it's been until I got here.
It took me a few minutes to get acclimated with what it means to be a sub all over again. It felt weird at first, to be restrained without any choice as to how or why. Whoa. Those are some words I never thought I would type. It only lasted a few minutes...but still. I think I felt the transition from person to submissive, in slow motion. I feel completely different as a boy than I do as my usual self. It's a different mindset, from the words I choose to the actions I take.
YngMstrDetroit is actually two Masters; there's Master A and Master R. Master R loves anal play, something that never interested me fully. I remember being 18 and seeing porn of a naked guy in a sling getting his ass stuffed with enormous toys, fists, etc. Anything he can really fit in there. I remember thinking to myself, "That will never, ever, EVER be me."
That's the thing about being a sub. You don't get to choose whether that will be you or not. Master R got to make that decision for me.
After I spent some time cleaning, he put me in a leather straightjacket, a rubber gas mask, and then put me in a sling. I spent the next three hours there getting things shoved up my ass I never thought would be put there. Ever. The thing that surprised me is that in the building moments leading up to the scene, I was looking forward to it. Kind of reminds me of when Master A flogged me. Why, why am I doing this?
I got a plug in my ass larger than anything that had ever been there before. Well, that is, Master R got a plug in my ass that big, not me....
I was screaming at the top of my lungs and it hurt, but not really. It kinda hurt. But it felt good. I loved every second of the whole scene, much to my own surprise. What was I afraid of for all of these years? Was I really not turned on by the idea of that scene? Did I really never want that to be me?
Or was I just afraid to unleash the true fox inside me?
This is a boy in transition. Gotta run now, Master A wants a foot rub before we go to the airport.