A friend is currently asking me for a list of things that turn me on (and things that turn me off) to get ready for a weekend we're going to have down the road a bit. He's looking for what my deepest, darkest, most sadistic, most twisted, most dangerous, and craziest fantasies really are. He's looking for something under the surface. Something I'm embarrassed to tell people. Something that could never truly be done. Something EPIC.
It's turning out to be a harder assignment than I thought.
The only things I can think of to write are the same things that have been turning me on since I was 13 or 14 years old. Have I really not changed that much? I turn 26 next month. Have I really stayed exactly the same for those 13 years? I think that I have. Sort of. I honestly haven't had much of the opportunity to explore a lot of those extreme areas I've been looking to get into - so yes, I think it's natural that they'd stay the same. Fantasies won't change until they're fulfilled, generally.
There are still some subtle changes though. The fantasy is the same but maybe I think of them more on the other side. Take kidnapping for example. When I was younger, my only fantasy was to be kidnapped. These days, I think it would be just as hot to be one of the kidnappers as one of the kidnapees. Perhaps that's also natural as one gets older and wiser (?). There are so many people out there that were strictly sub and eventually switch and eventually are strictly dom. Is this bound to happen to me? Not that I would be disappointed...I'm really enjoying exploring my top side. Really. But as you can see what happened in my visit to Detroit, I still have plenty of sub cravings as well.
Even though I'm getting older, I still revert back to my younger fantasies. So I guess we'll just have to find out together what will become of me.
I've been working hard for the past year or so on the Gear Nights at the Minneapolis Eagle. Some new friends have been very helpful in recent months as well, and they're growing like wildfire. Leatherati asked me to do a write up about what that journey has been like, and they posted it to their blog. Check it out.
Final update, today is day 30 of working out. I took my Day 30 photos. I'm somewhat disappointed with them. I'm not disappointed with my progress, I think I'm looking great (in person) and I can see a lot of progress. I think my photography skills are so poor that they don't show off the changes very well (due to poor lighting, poor camera, etc.). At minimum, you can tell that I'm getting more cut even if I'm not making many size gains. Oh well, like I said, I'm not unhappy with the progress so far. I'm eager to see what the next 60 days will bring.