Make it Count

Usually, there is a standard response I get from guys online when they ask me where I'm from.  I tell them the city and state, and more often than not, the answer I get is, "Why do you live out in the middle of nowhere?"

I really hate to think that Minneapolis, being the 8th largest city in the whole country, really makes this the middle of nowhere.  I think it only feels that way because there is essentially NOTHING to the West until you get to the coast, a bunch of lakes to the East, nothing but farmland for much of the South, and the forests of Canada to the North.  So I suppose yes, I am in the middle of nowhere.  

Yes, it does get difficult sometimes, especially in the kinky facets of life.  Some days I yearn for a New York gay/kinky lifestyle where you can walk out your front door and find it two blocks down the street, or better, two floors down in your own building.  But then I realize how much I enjoy grass and how much I enjoy what I pay for rent, and then suddenly, I don't regret living here. 

Guys ask me how often I get to do bondage.  Despite popular belief, I really only get to play around once or twice a month.  It's not bad, I don't feel like I'm really missing it much or really, really wishing I had it more.  And of course, I've tied/been tied by some of the best.  Which I think is ironic.

I've never lived or even been to New York or San Fran, but in my humble opinion, I think that us Midwestern kinky gays aren't so....dramatic, so to speak.  That statement might make me a bit of a hypocrite, being that I have these incredibly dramatic artistic photographs of myself on this site and on my profiles online.  But the point I'm getting at is that I think that having a smaller, more spread out community has forced us to keep from taking our scenes for granted, so that when we get into it, we REALLY get into it.  I think it's the enthusiasm that really brings the scenes and the kink to life out here, in the middle of nowhere.  I'm sure that if my heart was pounding and I just *HAD* to get to one of the coasts to meet the best dom I've ever heard of and do a scene with him, then I could probably make it happen. 

The fact that I really don't have that drive indicates to me that we do a pretty good job on our own.  I'll get to those cities one day, and when I do, I'm sure I'll have a blast.  But I feel like it can wait until I have both the time and money to do such a thing.

In fact, one of my friends just moved BACK to Minneapolis after living in San Francisco for several years.  He's told me two things to validate this.  One: as much kink as there is in SF, where you can find it by walking out your front door, there's an awful lot of mediocrity, and not a lot of truly mindblowing people there.  Two: having kink in his life less often has brought back a sense of motivation.  When you get used to large amounts of mediocrity, you forget what it's like to have those mind blowing scenes.

And in the Midwest, you have to travel a lot of the times to get to somewhere where the kink IS.   As another friend put it, "I don't understand you Midwestern kink-epicenter types.  It's like you guys say, 'No beach?  Let's just tie each other up.'"  There's some truth there.  When you have to arrange travel and ride in a car or fly for three or four hours to get somewhere to spend a night, a day, a weekend, or whatever to do the things you get your rocks off thinking about every day, there's one mantra that I think we all tend to share.

Make it count.

And I do.

~Tynan

Comments

[Bob Wingate]

One of the best bondage scenes I ever had—one of the best bondage WEEKENDS I've ever had—was in the middle of nowhere. Not Minneapolis, where I've never been, but upstate New York, somewhere outside of Rochester. I never did find out exactly where, since two miles out of the airport the Montana cowboy who was now living there and had picked me up, tied me up, gagged and blindfolded me, so I never really did find out exactly where he lived. I wasn't so foolish as to let this happen to me with a total stranger. I'd already met the guy and we'd done some bondage together, at the New York Bondage Club. But he wanted me to visit him, so I did, and had an incredible weekend, not only with him but with two bondage buddies of his. You're right, Tynan, living in one of the biggest gay cities in the world doesn't mean you're always going to get tied up by the best and brightest. From my experience, I'll take my chances with the middle of nowhere anytime.

[Josh]

I've always liked Minneapolis. In fact, it's on the list of ten or so places that I shall prioritize looking for a new job when it's time. I'd move there over NYC or anywhere in California any day. You're right, of course, in that you have to make the most of anywhere you live.

[Dave Rolsky]

According to Wikipedia, Minneapolis is the 47th largest city in the country.

[Tynan Fox]

Oh, damn, you caught me. I was confusing the statistic with that of the largest Metropolitan Area, and even then, I'm still wrong. It's #13. Good catch, sorry for the errata.

[Reid]

Great blog, Tynan! You're an expressive writer and able to get what you want to say out in a way that is easy to understand. And you got great props from Dan Savage this week! I agree with you...the middle of the continent seems to generate these ideas of 'quality over quantity' in the kink/fetish world since all the kinky boys seem to be spread out therefore each opportunity to get into a scene seems so much more valuable and precious. I'm originally from Western Canada, so I have seen what you're talking about.

[Tynan Fox]

Reid, Thank you for the compliments!  And thats precisely what this blog is for, Im trying to bring a voice to a those of us who all feel this way.  :)  You should drop a link to this site on your blog, Ill add yours to my own Links page! :)

[Thumper]

"...there is essentially NOTHING to the West until you get to the coast..."

Not that I live there (in fact, I'm in Mpls, too), but I've been to Denver and it's pretty big (and has a thriving BDSM culture).

I just found your blog. *Love it.*

[Tynan Fox]

Thanks for the compliment.  :)  And yes, I have heard that Denver has a great BDSM community, but when I was thinking West, I was thinking DUE west, where the closest major city is........Seattle.  :(

[boundinrubber]

Great blog,
I agree w/ basically everything you say here. However I am running into more and more people from Chi area thinking a drive of more then 1 hour is far too long and not willing to go.

I do get sick of always having to drive somewhere, but I do really enjoy every session I have driven for & I get to meet some great people who also live away from the big cities.