That's something I went around and around in circles about for years. Literally, years. This is such a weird, strange, obscure, crazy part of my life. Why is it so appealing? What is it about all these activities and all these events that really brings its joy? What is the appeal?
For a long time, I thought that since I couldn't come up with an answer, it meant I was doing something wrong. But then a while ago, I heard a great analogy on a kinky pod cast that really made me stop to think about it.
Chew on this. Think about black licorice. There's some people out there who enjoy it, there's some people out there who hate it. And there's a few in the middle who are take it or leave it. But the ones who enjoy black licorice are in the minority, and people who don't like it often think these people might be weird because it tastes so gross. But for those of you out there who DO like black licorice, have you ever stopped to think about WHY you like it?
Of course, I mean beyond the simple, "Because it tastes good." A similar thing could be said about kink. "Because it's fun." Of course, most of us stop here. We don't take the time or effort or energy to determine why black licorice tastes good to some people. We don't analyze brain patterns and their associations with taste buds or think about why it only tastes good to some people and not others. It's simply a preference some have that others do not.
So if we don't do it with black licorice, or anything else in life, why do we do it with kink?
Perhaps we shouldn't. When I learned this, I stopped. It brought a sense of peace to my neurotic brain. We don't always have to know WHY we like or enjoy what we like. We don't always have to be so critical of our preferences. We really CAN just relax and enjoy ourselves.
The why is not the fun question to ask. In our kinky parts of life, I now simply challenge myself and others to answer one other simple question.
How are we going to make this happen? ;)