I've been lifting the past couple months.
Generally I don't do this very often or for very long. I have a tendency to get unmotivated. I don't feel like it. I hate the gym. My excuse isn't that I don't have enough time or that the gym isn't close by or that I work night shifts. I can work around all that. Rather, I'm just completely honest. I just fucking HATE IT!!! I hate lifting weights for the same reason that I generally prefer to be the bottom during kink.
Really, really lazy. I find that if I really don't have anything to fill my time with like work, meetings, or going out with my friends, I enjoy sacking out on the couch, watching a good TV show, surfing YouTube, or jerking off. The prospect of exerting any kind of physical activity is a loathesome thought. When I AM lifting weights, it's the most epic struggle between good and evil every day going through my mind. Forcing myself off the couch to go to the gym is like trying to force a two year old to eat his broccoli. There's about a million other things that I would rather do than do any kind of running, biking, or lifting.
And yet, I go do it. And it's hard. The only thing that motivates me to go is that if I don't lift, I have a tendency to lose weight. At 6'0" tall, weighing 135 lbs makes me look like some redhaired impoverished heroin addict. No one finds that attractive, and since we're gay, people have no problem making that painfully obvious. The insults get me down. To feel good about myself, I have to stop hearing them.
It's kind of sad that in this society, in order to maintain proper mental health, I have to do something I hate to appease others. But as I was bench pressing tonight, something magical happened.
I pressed more weight than I ever have before. Ever. It was the first time I ever had that much hovering over my body, being supported by my own two hands. Despite the fact that it's not much weight (115 lbs), I felt, for the first time, powerful. Like I had actually accomplished something.
And now, I actually want to go back next week and see if I can't do more. Incidentally, it also made me feel like being the top.